Thursday, December 9, 2010

I feel in love again!

All our friends were here and they all have gone home now, and we are so glad they came to see us; the night was great.

You are exhausted and so am I. You said you were going to the bedroom to get a CD to listen while we clean the house, after a while you don’t come back, so I go to see you and, as I suspected, you are already sleeping. A tender smile slips from my mouth and I decide to do so. Cleaning can wait ‘til tomorrow.

You look so calm while you sleep, I decide not to wake you and simply put the blanket over you. Lights off, good night!

It’s three in the morning and you wake me up, you are still sleeping but constantly moving and by the expression in your face, it seems like you are having a bad dream, I can see suffering.

I touch your arm and you wake up, you get your hand to your stomach and say that it hurts so much that you want to go to the hospital.

I take you to the car, you are crying in pain. I’m so scared but I try not to show it, I say you’ll be fine.

Drive as careful as I can but at the same time as fast as possible as if the relief will be at the hospital’s door.

We arrive, I run to the door and yell for help. I tell the lady on the desk how you feel and two nurses arrive with a wheelchair.

They take you and get you inside. I run as im holding your hand while you look at me with crying eyes. As we get into the first door doctor says I need to stay outside. I feel powerless, nothing to do for you with my own hands so I just pray for you.

An hour, two hours, three hours, the longest of my life.

I move from one way to another, sit, stand... nothing helps. At the front desk no one has news about you, they say I must wait until the doctor comes out.

Finally the door is open and the doctor is coming, he is smiling. I feel much more calm.

He hugs me and tells that I can enter, that we have beautiful baby girl!

I run and there you are. You look so tired but so happy, you are holding in your arms the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen, our baby.

I feel in love again, a different way of love...

Thanks to Jingle, for this award and for this community.
I want to nominate Dan Roberson

Monday, November 22, 2010

Still floats in this world...

- "In life it's a blessing when you can count with your hands the ones you love". I heard him saying directly to another young man. His voice was full of nostalgia and his face couldn't lie: his heart was suffering.

Apparently the place wasn't the most appropiate for that kind of reflections. The party was alive and everyone was having fun. Everybody was so happy that on that very day they had received their diploma. All of them were so young and so full of life, a world of possibilities in just one room.

The one hearing simply said. "Let's forget about and enjoy, this is our night"
The answer was -"How can I celebrate if I have no one to share it with? Don't take it personal but I just cant fit with all this strangers" The polite smile disappeared in less than a second.

Another voice entered into the conversation from behind them -"I'm here and won't leave again". The listener couldn´t do nothing but to leave.

The young man turned around and the face that was in his mind was now right there.
-"I'm sorry. I was a fool such things don't worth a friendship like this".
-"I know, I'm sorry too. But don't worry. We are humans we fail, we fall and we ramble. The important thing is that after all we realize what is really important and have the courage to say sorry and get back on track".
-"Thank you so. You always have the right words. I just can promise you that I'm here to take what's heavy for you in my arms..."

The one who was listening from afar slip a smile and left. In his mind was one thing: The right and good things still floats in this world.

Monday, November 8, 2010

The bell is ringing

I'm sitting on the beginning of a long and multicolor line of tires grounded perfectly aside the yard that's full of the greenest grass I ever seen.

While the rest of the children are running , playing football or simply talking to each other, I love being on my own. Right now I'm holding my sandwich with my left hand and feeling the soft bread with my fingers with no intention to bite it.

I can see the teacher leaving the classroom and as I see her so young and and full of life I wonder how my life will be when I get her age. I know there is a lot of time left but my mind is flying in no concrete direction; I can see an endless number of possibilities, from a football player, an actor, a teacher, an engineer to a vagabond.

I wonder if anyone else my age thinks of it... am I wrong or strange? For sure I'm not normal. But what can I do? Should I change? Or should I learn to live with it?

The bell is ringing and its time to get back to the game, no more thoughts for today, back on my kid's suit. Hope everything will be fine.

Thursday, October 14, 2010


Arms folded over my chest, my body is straight laying right in the middle of the king size bed. My eyes are open but my vision is clouded over the roof. I believe I never pay this attention to it. Even when it’s early in the morning the firsts moments of light of the day are here and the time to stand up is getting close, not that I have slept much last night.

It’s incredible that just 2 days have passed since you left and I already miss you so much. Maybe it’s because today is Saturday and I’m very used to be with you all this day... and I don’t want to think that there are still 2 days left... Last night I tried to get myself busy so I would not feel alone on this beautiful house, our house; so I walked with the dog, cleaned the kitchen, ironed some shirts and pants, even went to the shop to buy food we probably won’t eat, moved the sofa into three different positions and finally left it as before, none of them kept my mind apart from you.

When we decided you’d go with this I only thought of your joy and success and how much you deserved it, I mean you are really talented, but I never thought the separation would be this hard for me, now I only have to conform with hearing your voice for a few minutes, like in the old days, and hear your thrill of knowing new people, new places and adventures. I believe that is the “rough” path of fame…

I now understand that everything we have in this house, everything we’ve worked for is meaningless if there is no one to share it with, I’ve been always so proud of what we have done but today I see it cold, useless and it makes me sad. Today this place is just a house because I know you are my home now… And as some time ago we said, it doesn’t matter what we get or where we’ll live the important thing is to stick together.

(Home - Michael Bublé)

(Home - Foo Fighters)

Monday, October 4, 2010

And I hope this dream never ends...

I have one of those jobs no one seems to care about; no one notice you unless you don't do your job or if something is wrong.
In some cases people even look at us with some repulsion. I clean the tables and floors on a food court on a fancy mall downtown in the big city.

In spite of regretting for what I do for living or what I did in the past to end up here, I enjoy what I do.
My job allows me to keep myself anonymous and unnoticed and I also I watching people on what I once heard is our most instinctive or animal action: eating.

Right now I'm in the rush hour, the court is full and there is no open table.
As I walk thru the corridors I can see different images, the classic soccer mom that is late for the children's practice and is buying the fastest, and not nutritious, meal for the kids: burgers.
The lonely black suited guy that is paying full attention to his mobile device trying to forget or not to notice his loneliness as he waits for his food to be ready.
A big family trying to get another table next to them by putting some presure over the two ancient buddies that have 20 minutes enjoying half apple pie each, unfortunately for the family these two have no worries or anything to rush for. A smile slips thru my lips for these.

I keep on walking with duster and broom in hand, suddenly a couple right at the last table catches my attention. They only have a little basket with ice cream and they are sitting one in front of the other. They seem to be students because they are wearing their school clothing and on the floor their backpacks are laying.
There is something about them that is not common but I cant quite figure out what it is, I believe it is the distance between them and that they don't pay attention to other thing than to the person in front of the other, it's like there were a lot of respect or admiration from one to the other, something not very common these days.
I see them talking and eventually for a very short period of time they hold hands and then smile and realse their hands and keep talking.

The girl accidentally throws her napkin to the floor and I get closer to pick it up, I move so slow trying to make no noise.
They don't even notice my presence, not that I'm not use to it but they simply don't have eyes for anyone else... After I pick the napking I hear something he says that blows my mind: "... And I hope this dream never ends...".

I move fast towards the cleaning station and disappear from court.
I close my eyes and remember that the very same phrase was said by myself just before I ran, just when everything for me was so right, so pink and when everyday the sky were blue and love, happiness and joy were abundant; I ran at the very first trouble.
I am such a coward that cant fight and stand for what he wants the most.
I feel pity of myself and I simply cry hands over the wall. I feel like I need to go back...

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Snapshots of my life

Creaking noises.

Shinning Lights.

Overwhelming smoke all over the place.

Time stills and mind turns into lucid memories. Memories that feel like reality, like the very moment they occurred. Like those snapshots that have been there my entire life. Adding them up as time passed.

The day I got my first bicycle and crashed it on the wall.

The lovely embrace of my grandfather on my birthday on the same day the news of life weren’t good at all.

The day I sang and played in front of a crowded theater.

The tears on my parent’s eyes as I waved my diploma and thanked them for their effort.

The time I bought and drove my first car.

The moment I saw you and you stole my attention from then on.

The minute I first held your hand for a while and I did shook myself.

The moment I said to you our special phrase in front of our friends and you were surprised of it.

The day the unspoken words and the self screaming gestures said it all.

The day you didn’t expect to see me and you were so happy and shocked.

The day I drove all night just to meet you in the morning.

Our first kiss.

The many times we shared food even when we don’t really like it.

The scariest night of my life: the night I went to your home and told your parents we were getting married.

Our wedding.

Arriving our new home.

The day we arrived to the airport with passports in hand and no destination booked.

When we got our first dog and you insisted on picking it up from the street.

The day you screamed like you had seen a dead body on the restroom and you said you were pregnant.

Yesterday, The day I could finally hold on my arms my beautiful baby girl.

The memories are over now and I’m back on my car.

I feel how it turns around and I feel a strong hit on my head; now everything is freezing over on the darkness of the night…

Monday, August 30, 2010

Seven Swans

This morning I can see a field, an immense field thru which I’ve walked so many times that I can say that I know it better than my own hand. I've seen it green and colorful during the wonderful spring; so green and vast that it reminds me a long and infinite ocean. Other times l’ve seen it covered with white snow that seems to kill all kinds of life, but instead it brings a new way of living... a different way of seeing beautiful things.

This field has -literally- been my companion and support and it has fed my cattle during my whole life, and by saying "my whole life" I mean it. I started on ranching since I was 5 and my father was about 35, I learnt everything I know about this thru him even though now I only have a vague memory of him. I also saw my children grow and turn into young strong man, and then leave; both of them decided that the family tradition was not for them, and today I’m glad and proud they made that choice. Sometimes I wonder why did I follow it. Now they both have finished university and work on scientific investigations for finding the best results on crops, or at least that is what I understand they do... I just know that somehow they are influenced by my life and that is completely worth it.

Today I can see my life thru my father’s eyes. I’ve devoted myself to this all my life just like he did. I thank God every day for his life and for teaching me all I know,I’ve never been so devoted to God.
I know He is there because I can see it on the majesty of the earth, on the first rays of light rising over the hills and even in the cold air running thru my bones in a lonely morning watching over the cows.
My wife is really close to Him, and she always tells me stories and reminds me to seek Him. I like when she talks about it.

In this beautiful morning where I can remember and think about all this, a strange sound is surrounding the field like if it is coming from the trees behind the hill and then it goes back. The sound is like clapping wings, I turn on every direction to find it, and then, suddenly, I can see something in the sky, something I’ve never seen before: seven swans flying in the sky, a number that reminds me of my wife’s stories about God. Then I feel cold like never before and I start to feel restless.
I look up at the sky and I can see a timid smoke over the hill on direction to my house. I ride my horse to it, I must be like 2 miles away... the longest 15 minutes of my life. As I´m getting close I can see more and more smoke.,,
On the distance I can see my wife standing still, holding in her arms her beloved cat, and with tears in her eyes she yells at me: “God has please you, the farm is gone, you are free now”.

She is right, I feel free now, and I feel curious about this sign, so I ask her to tell me more about Him.

(Inspired by: Sufjan Stevens -Seven Swans)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Shrimp Salad

I’ve told so many times to the office that I don’t like beach destinations, there is something about the beach that I find repulsive, so when I have to make them I avoid even to be close to it.
You may think that is too much, but I even ask for a hotel that is not in front of the beach. There is nothing like a good hotel with A/C I can think I’m not close of it.

Tonight is one of those nights. I’m on a disgusting beach destination, just arriving, refuging from the heat that makes me sick, the job was good as always, I think all these years made me good at it and I simply enjoy it.

I reach the hall, the hostess says hello and smiles. I love that they don’t really care about themselves, their job is always to smile and make you feel good and comfortable.
I just can make this forever, catch a plane, grab a cab, check in...different faces and check out.

I take the elevator to the suite, walk a few steps and get my hand on the jacket and pull out the key card.
As I insert it on the door a cold rush of air runs thru the corridor which is strange since I’m on the 15th floor of a complete closed building. The led turns green and I get back where I was, I enter to the room and close the door.

Once inside, first thing to do: off shoes and socks, then the shirt... the pants feel just fine.
I turn the tv on. Nothing special to watch, all I need is the noise.
I feel hungry: call room service, there is no question my favorite diner at this hotel is shrimp salad and a cup of red wine.
They are here 30 minutes later, 10 dollars tip, and no more human contact until tomorrow.
I sit on the bed watching tv and start eating, this particular meal is good, finish quickly and seek for a movie, one is just starting... I should watch it, I do.
Meaningless entertainment, two hours have gone and the body recalls for rest. So I simply turn the light off and get into bed.

As all is dark and no more noises are made in the room, I can hear the sea with his annoying sound, not even the two blocks dividing us can hold the noise, anyway I focus on sleeping and close my eyes.
The night is running and I’m feeling uncomfortable. I just keep on moving on the bed, I think it is the shrimps´fault…
Another hour is gone and I cant concentrate so I stand up walk a few minutes around the bed and feel better. I’m back on it.

I finally feel comfortable and sleep. Suddenly I wake up and feel all in a rush, I cant hardly breath, I feel as if my head is going to explode. I feel so anxious, I stand up put my pants and my shirt on and I get out of my room, get down on the elevator and run thru the hall.
The hostess seems surprised, she can’t even say a word.
Once out on the street my legs start running towards the beach, it is like some part of me is guiding me with self life and the other part is just being driven by.

I run the hole two blocks and I spot that thing that I hate and that I’ve run away from during a lot of years, now I realize that there is bad weather, a lot of wind is running making my run harder. My shirt is waving and the wind is crashing against my naked chest and my stomach has a funny sensation... it is as if the wind was running thru me.
I finally get to it. I can feel the cold sand down my standing feet and is not that bad at all.
In some moments the immensity of the dark sea is enlighted by a stroke, a beautiful ray of light that seems to point me something in this very moment.
I take my hands to my face and I feel something wet. There is still no rain falling, I notice that tears are falling from my eyes. Then suddenly the noises of the wind stop and a calm, soft music is heard. I cant recognize it, but I can hear two violins, the second one making a beautiful harmony with loud cellos being shutted by a beautiful melody made by the first violin, it is just so beautiful.

I realize the music is coming from the sea, just where the thunders are falling and I do not hesitate and enter into the water, first walking until I can’t reach the sand anymore, then I swim. I just follow the music.
As I look back to the beach, something emerges from my old memories. I remember why I hate the sea, because that is how she left…

I keep on swimming and the music is stronger than ever, now there are oboes, trumpets, drums and flutes.
A light is down my body, deep down in the sea I stop swimming and pay attention to it. I can see something is moving thru the shadows and pieces of light emerging.
It seems like it is a fish...
I don’t feel scared, but then I see a face, a familiar face, a woman’s face…

Monday, August 9, 2010

Children's movie

A lonely man sitting on a movie theater is not quiet common, but a lonely man on a black suite sitting on a children's movie is simply irregular.
The man take a look at his surrounding, the hall is half dark, the movie hasn't started yet, He watches little children smiling, yelling, eating popcorns, families apparently happy and thrilled, he turns to the other side and a couple is hugging and talking to the ear, it seems like they are alone in the room.

As the time passes and the seats are being taken, he turns on every direction, it seems like he is waiting for someone. he most be waiting for someone, who in his right mind goes on hi own to watch a children's movie...

Silence. The hall is now completely dark and no more people is allowed to enter, so it seems he is on his own. Now that everything is dark he doesn't seem to care to be alone he seems to be comfortable.

The first moments of the movie are passing by and the man isn't looking at the screen, he is staring at a couple, they most be together, all indicates they do, there are all kind of affection gestures. The man wont look at the screen, in spite He turn his head down and open his jacket, with his right hand grabs a gun, yes a gun. He is now much more calm, He forgets about the sudden laughs and loud talk of the children or the loud songs of the movie, he is now slowly breathing.

An hour have gone and all the crowd has complete attention on the movie. He is still staring at them, at a quite moment, a baby on the last row starts crying so aloud that is annoying, the man of the couple turns his head with a gesture of disapproval, the man staring at them smiles with some sort of confidence.

Finally the movie is over and the noise is instantly back. Most people gets up and starts walking towards the exit, In the air you can breath happiness and joy, everyone seems to be so happy. Except one, the man, He is calm, serious, and staring at the couple that is now walking, he stands up and walks, slow and with his hand inside his jacket he tries to get his way out the crowd and to approach the couple, they are hand holded. The man approaches and take the man of the couple by the shoulder, He turns his head and look at them right into the eyes and says "this is just a job". The girl is amazed her face is simply a shock, a bunch of emotions. The man get his hand back to the jacket and grab his gun, and as he move his sight back, He spotted her and his serious face change for surprise, she is her sister. Nothing more is said He release the man and walks away...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

In the 2nd floor.

I walk thru the elevator 2nd floor, departures, a lot of people everywhere, kind of annoys me. I keep walking looking for the airline, find it, do what was necessary, and now keep walking, waiting for the time is right, as I do so I realize that If you want to see all kind of emotions gathered on one place, the place to go is an airport, you can see the ones who are thrilled by the trip, the ones that hates to fly, others are sad and crying about the ones that leaves for a long time or forever…
I sit down and in all that bunch of faces showing the truth of their souls one stands, one kept my mind as no one.

It’s a girl, in her last 20’s, medium sized, brown skin, deep dark eyes. Her eyes are the ones that says everything, you know what they say, you can lie but your eyes don’t, so its with her.

She looks desperate like someone who is trying to run, to forget, to get by with the flow, to get lost with the thousands of people surrounding her.

Somehow I feel her pain, her “something” that is making her carry that heavy weight on her soul. I can see she is running away, everything about her shout it, she travels light, she has a book to keep her mind busy and she constantly looks around like if she was expecting someone to come and make her not to leave.

In one of her turns she look right to me and I look back, I don’t know if it was a second or a minute or hours that we see each other, but with that gaze I confirm what I thought. She is burning in pain and somehow I can feel it, and I try to comfort her with my eyes, I don’t know exactly how or what to say but I sure try, and she feels it. Now I focus not only in her eyes but her face, I notice that she is beautiful in a different way, maybe not for the world standard of beauty but there is something… Now I also notice some scares in her right cheek that’s definitely for a beat. Now I understand… And I think how someone could do that; there is no possible explanation for that I kind of feel angry about it. As my mind argues she stands up, took her two little bags and rapidly walks away. It surprise me as she move forward she look back and stares again like she is saying thank you. My eyes follow her silhouette and wonder if she’ll be alright, suddenly she stops and her eyes are on the front, throw her things away… run towards someone… It’s a man she kiss him and hug him… Then I know she won’t be alright…

Monday, July 19, 2010

Come back here.

I struggle myself this time to get my mind back during the day, long day by the way, lazy day. sadly, hours goes slow so slow.

Maybe is a C not an A minor.

Those lyrics are just great.

Why isn't she here? Who is supposed to answer my questions?

I simply can't understand that, do they really think they are superior, bigger, smarter, I feel pity for them. Not even a thank you... grr pity, pity...

Oh! the quiet is so great, is it necessary for them to come back.

How much longer???? I want to leave.

What if He stands right behind me, what would I say...? It doesn't matter. I'll do my best.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Long Gone...

I've been long gone from this place...
So long that I barely remember what I was supposed to be doing here. It doesnt matter, today I feel on and out, One of those days you feel that you know no one, not even yourself.

I noticed far in the afternoon, that the day has run and I'm not really sure of where those hours went, like those old leaves that were proudly green and strong in the spring and now they are brown, weak and falling taken by the calm and shy wind of the autumn... Today I feel like that, my mind flew all over the world and now that is back to reality, It doesnt want to stay there, I just dont feel comfortable with reality this time. I look around and everything annoys me, the noise of the cars, the unstopping colorful shine of the traffic lights, the incessant path of shoes that mashes against the asphalt just make me sick and I say to myself, this place is such a mess sometimes I like to watch it burn...

As I stand here I observe very careful, I notice that we are a big mass a self living mass, we are here but we are not together, we are not even aware of each other's existence. Is that right or wrong? is it possible that we care for each other that we dont became the monster in order to defeat the monster? Maybe its impossbile and just want to live in that utopia I've been dreaming of. I realize that my thoughts are deeper than ever, it doesnt scare me, makes me feel comfortable.

I try to get close to the first person I see; a man, nice suite, white shirt, red double windsord neck tie, black leather shoes and small suitcase, He seems in a rush, I just wanna ask him a question, and a word slip out of my mouth "Hello". He doesnt even look at me and leave as it came, fast. The next one coming is a woman, tall, blonde, she wears a red dress and walks slowly as if she want it to say something with the way she walks I see that people stare at her, both men and women, I see nothing special just a regular woman, for tha way she walks I think that she is not in a hurry she may be able to answer my question I stand right in front of her, just in her way, see her to the eyes, she look back, I open my mouth to say the question and she slowly dribbles me, I can feel the air, the scent leave it by her body and no word said.

I feel incredible tired, I sit on the sidewalk, put my eyes on the sphalt and hear some steps outstanding of other ones, the sound becomes stronger, it stops Hear a deep strong voice, the voice answers my quiestion, It says "You are not here"

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Do we really care?

There are some things in the everyday talking that are just polite. But if you think of them are no true at all. In our native language(spanish) is pretty common to say "How are you" when you first see a person you know, and the most common answer is "fine".

On first instance, do we really care? I mean do we really care if that person is feeling well, or if is having problems at home, with his wife, or children or if he have been robbed... The real thing for me is that I dont really care, for most people I say this phrase on everyday living, please notice that I write "MOST" because there is a few people I really care about they have to say. I know that this is not right but is something you get involved in the routine of everyday and you simply lose it.

On the other hand when you answer, it is pretty uncommon, to say "bad" or "I feel awful" even when you really are in pain or have a lots of problems, why is that? maybe is that we simply dont feel confident to say the truth or dont want to share...

Friday, June 25, 2010

That old, strange sensation...

When I was a little boy, I used to imagine in my head how things will be in the future for me, and eventully I would say that I dont have to worry there is still plenty of time for all those things, suddenly elementary school was over and I say well, there is still time until I get 18 and I do have to fulfill military requirementsm then in a blink of an eye, the 18's were here, along with highschool, new things to discover and new things to reject, and one of my most hated ideas became real so I have to do it, then University started and I felt comfortable, 4 and a half years until i must finally "grow up" and again time flies and here I am realizing that all those things are real and now remembering, feeling that very same and strange sensation I felt when I was a little boy that somehow remembers me that inside Im still a child that sometimes wishes that time stops. But no, time doesnt forgive, doesnt stop, doesnt forget... My point here is that, as I heard sometime, there is no time not to be fulfilled, no date with it not to arrive any time soon...

Monday, June 21, 2010

Making waves on a swimming pool.

There are moments in life that apparently are hugh mountains to climb and sometimes they are indeed, but sometimes we simply make them hugh and that is because our fears, emotions and the environment surrounding us. If you take a moment to step out of that and see it thru, real cold, you might realize that you don't have to worry. I know sometimes is very difficult to be cold in important situations but you may ask for God's guidance thru all kind of situations and the help and quietness will be provided...

Thursday, June 17, 2010


I just going to keep on the little quotes of.... myself! haha

"Sometimes, I feel this is not real, 'til the pain comes"
We are very used to find ourselves in our little world that we call reality and some times take a painful situation to realize that there is another world or another universe out there and that not everything is spinning around us. Right now I can say that I'm pretty much aware of this all the time... aparently on that age I felt that all was very easy and nice, as years goes by I see that things are different and I find myself telling me that all the time, I try not to fall into one little world again...

Song of the DAY Grow old with me - The Postal Service (John Lennon cover)

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Not just one more...

There are a lot of things that I love to do, like singing, drive a car in the rain, eat hardly spicy food, walk on a hill and get to the top of it, listen carefully to the music, watch the enormous city around me... and I can keep on going... And I'm pretty certain that I can get very tired of them so I just put them a part for a while and then take them back to joyfully enjoy them. But there are a few things that I cant get tired of in this life, and one of those is reading what you write, what you have to say... maybe is the deeply artistic way you do it, or simply the message you can read, the one that is expressed directly on words and the one that is underneath, the one a few people can read... So everything is different and special and most important, is very very important for me.

So please keep them coming.

The way you make me feel - Michael Jackson.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Failure is always an option....

I will start writing about those little phrases I found...

Failure is always an option... This one, I remember that caught my mind for a while, because in a world that is supposed to be only for winners, for people who likes to compete, to do their best for getting the best job, the best car, the best looking girl, the best house...
This was me, and is me, saying to this competitiveness... You can fail, dont worry, you are a human, and if that makes me a looser so be it, I prefer to be a human than a pre fabricated man, with prefabricated goals and thoughts and prefabricated happiness I want to do mine... If somehow my path crosses with that thing they call success that's great, if not that's great too and sorry for them...

By the way I'm not very use to fail... but who knows maybe it will come some day, so better be prepared, don't you think?

PS. I learn something today... Never is too wrong to say the truth about how you feel..

Monday, June 14, 2010

Remember remember

They say that to remember is to live again. A few days ago I found a personal little notebook and on it a lot of things I wrote. And I think that my mind haven't changed a lot, maybe its just just the way to express things, or not, that have changed. It is funny to read all the things that showed my life on those days, the free time, the not done things and the things that were important at that time. Its kind of scary to realize how life can change in a few years!

Secret Smile - Semisonic.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

You will be surprised...

Yep you will be surprised If I tell you the kind of things that can keep me smiling over and over again, maybe as some close person says, "you are a clown" I may add that if I am, I am a pretty acid one, I realize today, after I say it with no regrets at all, that I love to make jokes about death. Maybe it is our culture, that we can laugh at anything, even when is a shame for ourselves. Maybe I'm mad, and I'll always be... Who knows, I just love to laugh about dark things.... Am I wrong???

Bob Marley - I shot the sheriff

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Bending Time

It is quiet common to me, I don't know if for someone else, trying to play with the time in our favor. Sometimes we want it to be like a rushing wave in the beach that disappear and we'll never see it again, not that wave. But in most cases we feel like time is being stolen from us, and as the days, weeks and years goes by, you take a look into them and you realize that this life is certainly a rush, and I ask myself, am I really happy with it? am I doing what satisfy me? What have I done?

For now I feel both sides playing on my ground, I want to go fast but also I want to slow down...

Pink Floyd - Wish you were here...

Monday, June 7, 2010

A smile for start

I wonder how people can start a week with bad mood, I mean I know not always is possible to be happy and be the kindest guy ever but, what if we all try just to change your mood for starting or maybe just put a fake smile in front of the rest, haha, I must confess I have done that in order not to create some feelings or misunderstanding, but I believe not all of us works the same... Maybe it is simply that today I wake very happy today, after all, it was a very good week end!

Grow Old - John Lennon

Thursday, June 3, 2010


We are very use to make plans, set schedules, arrange our agendas, and even promise things based on future time. But the real thing is that we do not control it and we almost never think on the fragility of our lives, and indeed, we are fragile. There are some events in life that are God's recall of something, for me is very clear, We do not belong here, today we could be talking on the phone, arranging Excel Cells, matching figures, watching football games. But tomorrow we only have the certainty of the uncertainty of life and what may happen in one day. This uncertainty is a calm one because I know HIM will have a plan for me, and if He decides it is better not around here, then is best thing... A hard thing to say but it always need to cross your mind...

Thursday, May 27, 2010


I cant remember the last time I feel this embarrased, jaja, I feel like the little child that gooes to the girl to give her a wild flower....
Inside the feeling is mixed between embarrased and happy... I feel this little encounter was pretty productive after all, music can make you feel, dream and smile, smile a lot.

I cant find no more sense today...

Song of the day... Ouuups there where a few... what do you think? Which do you like the most?

Wait, there is one i want you to hear

Julian Plenti - Flight as you might
(Paul Banks rules!)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Its easier to write it

There are things for me that are easier to write, I believe writing give you the opportunity to think twice, and that may seemed a little silly but believe me that little second between one thought and other may mean a lot, and when you're talking you may lose that chance. Today i found that it is something in the family, or maybe its our generation that expends so much time typing rather than talking.

Anyway, thnx bru! it really means a lot to me...
And thank you, for listen... Also for the honesty of the conversation and letting me know how you feel right now, (and how silly we are, haha, the great thing is that we both are.)

The killers - When you were young

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Clouded Vision

Every one has an opinion on most issues, but regarding personal issues, maybe even the closest people surrounding us dont have an idea of the full contextual circumstances and then is when I vote for the Listen and take the best of it. It is not like you dont care about their opinion but simply that they dont have all the info required.

GUns and roses - Patience
So many quotes... I cant pick one.

Monday, May 24, 2010

When nobody is watching...

There are somethings that we like to do on our own, when nobody is watching. This is not by no means a bad thing, believe me, is not a bad thing, but simply privacy... Things are not bad at all that I'm sure I can do it on daylight on a crowded street (speaking for myself, you know yourself).

Along years I ve learnt to enjoy solitude, many people hates solitude, but I find it like the way to make a stop in this everyday race against time for thinking what is going on...

Damien Rice - Delicate
"It's not that we're scared It's just that it's delicate"

Thursday, May 20, 2010

When there is actually something good

There are days when simply things won't go right and as much as you think that there must be days like these... Are simply annoying and frustrating, I'm not a pessimist person but I know that not everything in our lifes will be happiness, imagine a completely happy life, i think it wouldn't be that fun... But in days like these is great to know that there is something that can make your day, maybe is a flavor, the shinning sky or simply a voice...

I think Sadness, trouble and Trials are one of the spices of life, are the ones that give that surplus and joy to the real moments of happiness...

awfully songless day... grrr!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Stand on your feet.

I know this will be hard but i know I should stand on my ground, and hold it. This trial may be "the trial", and its funny because it is one made by us, and probably will be the hardest but the one with the greatest outcome. I'm cerain about two things, we must rely on The Lord, and from my side, I'm sure I want to do what it takes to make things right, to make things work.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Talking... the perfection of communication. It is all what you need to express your ideas, to hear what the other one have to say and agree, or maybe not.
I'm pretty sure it is the fundamental of all relationships, if someone is not receiving correctly the message, a storm may be made on a fishbowl... Anyway, everything must be said, and not take it for grant it, believe me it will save you a lot of issues.

Song: Josephine - The wallflowers

Monday, May 17, 2010

Powerful Ideas

When an idea is so powerful to make your mind go away, to make you sad and to make you wonder what if.... What if that we believe is for sure, isnt? What will be of you, what will be of me...?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Something you can't hide....

Sometimes you try to keep things for your own and simply those wont be kept. There are things that you cant keep that must be said, that must be shown. If you keep it inside they will burn you to death, then you realize that spreading the word aint that bad at all... At the end, what do they know? what do they care?

Love u!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Feelings and emotions

Every day we are dazzle by feelings and emotions that light up our regular lifes. Regular as we want them to be. At the end every little or big thing we do during the day results on any of these. It is true that we all find our comfort zone, and even when we say that we are the most adventurous person in the world something is comfort, something even the most unsignificant(in my case very significant things) thing we can relay on. That can be a voice, a person, a book, a tv show... etc.

pd Miss you today....

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Today I find myself in a new enviroment, I must admit for one moment I miss things, but then I remember what i was doing and say no, no melancholy. I wanted analysis, I wanted intensity, I wanted challenges, now I defenitely have them, so there is no looking back. Im just moving forward, learning.
I feel no fear but uncertainty but... There is still one thing that can make me nervous, not exactly talking about job...

Food: Pollo en Poblano
Song: U2 - All I want is you

Monday, May 10, 2010

Is just too much...

Today is one of these days you dont want it to end, you dont want to forget, that is simply happines... that things have been said, cleared and understood, ( if that is possible). But most important feelings are there, so vivid that shines as hard as the sun itself it is simply great. And that is how I feel, great! yes, the word Im looking for is overwhelmed!. that's it.
Love and hapinnes to you all!

Food: Empanada
SOng: Not while Im around - Jamie Cullum

Friday, May 7, 2010


This season of change have been expectingly beyond my expectations (haha). It is like a reset of my life, a great one, I feel God's grace upon me, I feel love and in love. People who I never thought of, think of me, they have some esteem and the way they have show it to me in these days is just heartbreaking. Also people that for me were supposed to be there, weren't, but I dont really care that much I know people changes and we were not that close either. Right now I can say I NEED few people, and that people is here.

Song: Caifanes - Miércoles de Ceniza
Food: Tacos de Canasta :S

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

This is it

So finally... this is it, Something that I have been eagerly waiting now comes... And now I dont feel like i am supposed to feel. I believe nostalgia has arrived. Some moment today I wonder a lots What if... I know that God will guide me thru His path and I am grateful for it!. As I finish this lines I'm back on track and feeling good again. I just wanna say thank you hun, you change my life! love u!

Song: I could be the one - Donna Lewis
(I want too...)

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Not talking of Darwin stuffs....
Things changes, world spins, everything is moving, including us. All of us, the relationships moves forward or backwards. If the motion is constant where does it all ends? How do we know we reach the end? I believe there is no end... there is no cliff is like the endless ocean in front of us when your only moving with the waves. For me everyday is evolving is just growing something inside me, Something that I want that keeps on growing every single day of my life...

Song: Love - John Lennon
"Love is knowing... we can be"

Monday, May 3, 2010


When everything seems to be right, then the trials comes, but there is always, read again, always something good from it. You will grow and see others growing with you on it. For us, I can say that after a couple of them the bigger one will be the patience.
Patience is one big virtue that I'm familiar with, sometimes for good sometimes for bad. This time patience must grow old along with us to be there as a loyal friend. Every little motion encourage for a bigger future, a great future. Living the beautiful today I wonder how will the future be? I cant imagine how I will feel, how I will look and the same questions for you. Hopefully calm will be provided from above making the relationship stronger and getting everyday closer to Him as individuals walking together looking for HIm.

Food: Chicken Bake
Song: Today I cant tell, sorry.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Walking the path

Too much have been said... at the end it was worth it, the feeling worth it.

We must walk Him, God must be our guide.

She said: "If there is someone I wanna walk with, that is you..."

Today I can say to my friend Bob. Yes it is...!

No more coincidences.

Song: Say yes - Elliot Smith

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Good day for quitting?

As I walk in this long alley the warm air like a big embrace flows thru my naked arms. I thought that this has to be a disease it couldn't be something more, i wish it is a disease. strange sensation, strong heartbeat, lost appetite...
Today people suits me just right, the noise, their "company" make me feel or forget what i feel, even thou i couldn't help myself in blowing my mind in front of the display, I'm sure he was staring at me and laughing to tears... feeling pity for myself. I thought spoken words flowing will color the waves, all I've got is broken green plants in front of me, I'm sorry. I wish i just can pour my hear out.
Never believed this would work, this is worth as the therapy. Pls Ghm! Cant do it myself.
2:44am, I just need to take it out, need to rest.
today i wish i was a drinker to see if that heal as they say, no im not
legs broken
i wish we have an off button
its my fault for giving in so soon so desperatly
never felt this strange ache, feeling, thing in all of me
need to cool off
i was right no things like this are ment to be understood
God God God, I need you pls Lord give me the peace I need the serenity, the wisdom.... to understand or maybe just the capability to accept it.
After all I realize that I'm not the one i used to believe, i dont have a stone as a heart.
i come back to the very site i most forget, i dont want to
I feel alone, i just cant tell anybody just will hold this within me. I cant for that longm i have to say it, in this case
i have to write it I just have to take it out, no matter who may read this even her... i need it.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Mixed up

I feel Love
I feel grace, amazing Grace.
I feel embarrassed
I feel happy
I feel sad
I feel nostalgic
I feel confused
I feel butterflies
I feel proud
I feel worry
Today I can say I can feel, that is good, that means I'm alive...

Food: Tacos Dorados!
Song: Con tus Ojos - Alejandro Filio

Thursday, April 22, 2010


A week ago I was convinced of a big decision in my life that implies big changes, new job, new home, new people, more driving :) and less quality time :( Today I find myself in a carrefour (I hope), and I just see providence... with God's help I will take the best choice. Am I scared? Yes, I wont lie, big changes scares all, i think. We maybe find ourselves in the comfort of routine. If you ask, I'm on it, and I just hate it.

If you are out there. What do you think?

Food: Entomatadas
Song: Miss Sarajevo - U2 (live from Milan version)

"Dici che il fiume
Trova la via al mare
E come il fiume
Giungerai a me
Oltre i confini
E le terre assetate
Dici che come fiume
Come fiume
L'amore giungerjavascript:void(0)
E non so piú pregare
E nell'amore non so piú sperare
E quell'amore non so piú aspettare"

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I wonder if the word jealous can be used only in a loving way, or is it something that also feels for things you have develop. Because in the past few days I have felt like this feeling for things I have built during a considerable period of time. Is that or maybe I'm still attached to the things I already know... Maybe I'm not sure of taking the next step... Who knows..

If you are out there. What do you think?

Food: Cochinita
Song: Seek and destroy - Metallica (sorry, this day was madness!!)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


When you expect something to happen, you just start thinking on how it will be, and what changes in you life that will cause, even the changes in the people surrounding, and suddenly you find yourself been anxious on that to happen and forgot about now, About the things you must do first in order to happen, but hopefully the outcome will worth the wait...

Food: Barbacoa
Song: Have you ever seen the rain - Creedence Clearwater Revival. (yes, pretty retro! :)

"Yesterday and days before
Sun is cold and rain is hot
I know, been that way for all my time

I want to know
Have you ever seen the rain
Coming down on a sunny day"

Monday, April 19, 2010


Yesterday I have received something that had made me happy like nothing can do in a while. It is a proof of someone's love and care for me, and after some ups and downs is more special, is like that kind of things just make you feel special, and why not... stupid.
I must say that see yourself thru some one eyes is very rare thing it make you realize who you are or what is the message you are saying maybe without trying. I think I must work in some issues but for now i just think i will enjoy hapiness.

If you are out there, What do you think?

Food. Steak in sauce.
Song: Afuera - Caifanes

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I'll stand by you...

Not too much to say right now, my mind is a maze... So Here it is...

I'll Stand by you - The pretenders
"Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you"

Thursday, April 15, 2010


There are times when the time seems to stops, and that is when your mind start flying... wondering about the time. whether the galaxy is expanding and the time is going faster, or about how a wild animal like the little red-chest bird that everyday shows in front of my office window, returns a specific place, or how a beat can blow your mind every time you hear it. It may be leisure but for me is air... is the way that I know I'm alive and my brain still works...

If you are out there. What do you think?

Food: Quesadillas!
Song: Gustavo Cerati - Sulky
Esa madera necesita un corazón... que la humedezca.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Doing the unpleasant stuff...

There are times when you must do things you don't like. But I believe this things makes you grow up and you'll find out that those things arent bad at all, maybe we dont like it because make us see confront our fears or those things we never want to confront... who knows... maybe I'm sleepy or in love and just saying nonsense!

If you are out there. what do you think?

Food: Meatballs.
Song: Sunrise - Norah Jones
"Surprise, Never something I could hide, When I see we made it through another day..."

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


It is true that when the truth is said things flows better, even some sort of tensions between people are gone, it is simply the best. But I think that doesnt work for everyone, some people just like to keep on the lies, even if they know they are on it, why, because that lies make them comfortable. For me that is not acceptable, but as some say... Every mind is a world.

If you are out there what do you think?

Food: Some sort of eggish dish(don't ask)
Song: Pigs On the wing - Pink Floyd

"...And I know that you care for me too So I don't feel alone..."

Monday, April 12, 2010

Turning back

Is it really no way back once you start? How difficult is to change your way? So far now, for me its been not an option. And yes indeed I sometimes wonder, what if I would do that, o what if I wouldn't do that.

I'm sure that this is the path I must walk and maybe I never stop having questions about it. But that is not wrong, right? haha I mean that is what make us humans?

Food: Peanut Chicken (Yes, peanut!)
Song: Verbo Carne - Gustavo Cerati

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Unequivocal equation

This one is for yesterday.

I now realize that we all are the result of the unequivocal equation of the people surrounding us + a bit (big or small) of ourselves. And for that reason in every step we make even if it seems that is for us only, we must slightly think in everyone surrounding us because that will affect all, not saying that we must base our decision on everyone else opinion but simply to take them in consideration...

Food: Apple Salad!
Song: Pupilas Lejanas - Los Pericos

"Tiempo al tiempo, tengo que esperar, es la idea y suele condenar. Tu mirada vuelve a penetrar mis pupilas lejanas, a ver si todo acaba aquí"

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Beautiful day

When the sun shines up in the sky
When there is also rain
When you feel the air both cold and hot
When you talk to the ones you love
When you know you are blessed
When you are nervous and impatient

That is when is a beautiful day....

Food: Burgerrr
Song: What Am I to You? - Norah Jones

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


What are you suppose to do when someone recognizes what you do as outstanding? I just could say thank you, I believe I'm not the kind of person who thinks that deserves every recognition, I think that is important to keep your feet on the ground and continue doing it like before or even better...

If you are out there. What do you think?

Food: Quesadilla!
Song: Entre dos tierras - Heroes del Silencio.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Slow Down

Today I had one of the most intense, stressful days of my working life and I like it! I mean once you stop and see all you've been doing thru the day its amazing or maybe is the satisfaction of making something that at the very beginning of the day seemed impossible. Even thou, I have the chance to keep some ideas on my head that, I must admit, make me smile and momently escape from the madness...
Now that I'm ready to rest my body is just soo tired but mi mind wont let us rest, Have you ever feel like this?

Food: Enchiladas! :)
Song: One Headlight - The Wallflowers
"But Me & Cinderella We Put It All Together We Can Drive It Home With One Headlight"

Monday, April 5, 2010

What is this that I'm feeling...

This idea have been on my mind for years... The thing is how we (as mankind) get to the point to enclosed a feeling in a word, I mean what if for me what can be written or said as love is not even close to someone else feeling. how do we know that we feel the same like for just say a word... what if I or someone else does not know love... I think that the feelings are pretty much subjective. like the pain there are people that can hold on or has a bigger specter of pain.

If you are out there. What do you think?

Food: Fried Chicken

Song: Is this love - Bob Marley.
"I wanna love you and treat you right..."

Wednesday, March 31, 2010


Have you ever feel that you are happy for apparently no reason? I believe that deep inside ourself we know why we are happy or is maybe simply our brain is making some chemical reactions driving into happy drugs?
I'm only sure that today I just feel happy and thank God for that, reasons a lot! but maybe today I'm more perceptive....

If you are out there. What do you think?

Song: Psycho Killer - Talking Heads
"Psycho Killer...Qu'est-ce que c'est?"

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Face to face

I think that everything has to be said on the most direct way possible, but why is that sometimes so difficult? It is hard, at least for me, to say the things face to face, specially when the topic wont be to highlight the other person but I think that is better than exposing someone else in a group of people. The point I'm trying to make is that we must talk to each other, not to live on expectations, prejudices or bias...

If you are out there. What do you think?

Song: The outlaw Torn - Metallica (S&M)
Food: Taaacos! :)

Monday, March 29, 2010

Just Annoying...

Usually I'm a very tolerant person but it seems I've met someone who simply annoys me. So I've been thinking if that is actually bad, do we really have to like everyone? I understand that you have to deal with people all the time, but maybe thats all the way that relationship will go, to work, talk, and do what is necessary, period.
Maybe I'm not trying hard enough to get to know him, but believe me He makes it so hard.

If you are out there. What do you think?

Sorry for the mental weakness but the whole thing is just bugging me...

Food: Chipotle Chicken

Song - Shine on you Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd
"Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun"

Friday, March 26, 2010


Today I have the opportunity to be in a legal act of commitment of two persons, meaning a marriage. That make me think and wonder that if something enforced by the law is as strong as a feeling? I don't think so. One thing that the representative of the law said really caught me, "get along, get along well, the nation, the world needs today more than ever bonded people, great citizens that can raise great citizens". I'm pretty sure that they can do it, but also I'm sure they need to get close to God, hopefully they'll find the way...

If you are out there. What you think?

Song: They don't really care about us - Michael Jackson
Food: Pambazo! :)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Day one - Take One (Setting up the rules)

Hello there...

Well, this is my first attemp doing this stuff so please be kind and give a chance...

The rules will be:
-1 topic per day, as simple as my simple life would allow me.
-song of the day
-food of the day :)

Here it goes the first one...
Have you ever had the feeling that people getting at some point in his life believe that they can judge everything directly, I mean we all have a point of view of everything in the world, but assuming yours is "THE OPINION" just because you have some age, sex, position, etc. Its something I do not really understand, how "normal" person get there.

If you are out there, What do you think?

Song: Iron & Wine - Passing Afternoon
Food: Steak w/potatoes, beans and aguacate...
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