Saturday, May 14, 2011


I'm already in position, the suit feels itchy on my neck... this time maybe it’s just me who feels everything much more intense now. The multiple voices on my ear whisper a lot of things but I try not to listen them too much.

I move my sight to the upper left side of the window: you are there, a picture of you smiling take me to that very day when we made our picnic and we laughed and cried… the afternoon was perfect to take a picture.

A whisper escapes like a regret, like a feeling trapped under my chest.

One of the multiple voices on my ear says I’ve got a call from you. I answer and after a long silence your cold and shaking voice says hi. I answer the same. The silence takes over the almost inexistent conversation. Maybe it’s because all that must be said have been said. I know you just call to know that I’m still there, that I’m real and not just one more of your multiple fantasies.

“Be careful, you know how I feel”, it’s all that you can say before you kill the call. I haven’t had the chance to answer. A strong cold feeling remains on my stomach.

Once again a voice takes over the earphone. It says “We are ready” I shake my mind and thoughts, I concentrate fully on the window, the controls, everything. I spin my neck to the left so I can see my partner and with a blink of an eye I tell him I’m ready. He sets everything up.

I don’t want to hear anything else for now, I turn off the earphone and sit tight. I don’t know if some minutes or seconds passed but suddenly I started to feel the motion, just as we practiced; I must say that is not the best feeling in the world. After a few minutes the immense G forces start to make some noise in my body, my sight becomes brighter every second: I feel like if I’m going to pass away.

It was just too much and as I feel weaker I see you in my mind. Suddenly the pressure on my chest slows down and my vision returns to normality. All the noises diminish to zero and right in front of me all is black but with beautiful lights shining alone in the distance. The magnificence of the space is in front of me with beautiful stars like candles, alone on a big road. I’m quite surprised. No one trained us for the shock of this moment, we can’t say a word. On my mind the admiration grows on the One who created this: “God, thank you, this is amazing”.

On the immensity of the outter space I feel alone, I miss you and I’m sorry.

How I wish you were here.

Monday, January 31, 2011


What once was a home full of joy, smiles, laughter and hugs have now turned into four walls of memories, sadness, regrets and despair. Everything reminds me of you, there is no single step I give in this house that takes my mind away from you. I need to leave, I need to do something to erase my mind.

It's Saturday morning and I decide to do something you never liked, that was my way to take you out of my mind. So I grab the keys and ride the car. I am not sure where I want to go but I have it on my mind: the kind of place you hate. I'm going to the woods, I know how you dislike going on camping or even in a pic nic. I remember I loved it and, because you didn't, we never went together.

Finally got out of the city and I´m on the highway, I just need to follow some directions and get into the nature. As I supposed it didnt take that long, I park the car and start walking. People surrounding me are quite indifferent to me: they aren't alone, I can see children playing while their mom and dad are making the lunch; on the other side a group of schoolmates are playing football. I must pay no attention to them.

I keep on walking towards a place where there´s nobody. The calm is amazing, you can hear the sound of the silent life moving, the air soflty moving the leaves and the birds which are singing are telling me that I'm alone and I can relax.

The air is becoming cold and the sun is hiding under black clouds, today is a good day for getting wet, I have no intention to leave, the firsts drops are falling and the smell of watered dirt is amazing. The rain is now intense and I move towards a tree, this one is very tall and I can barely see the top of it. The water is now falling down through the bark of the tree and a scent is getting to my nose. I'm amazed how lovely this smell is. Now the rain is off and the sun is back immediatly I can feel how the water is evaporating and the feeling isnt really good.

Now the air is carrying another scent, wait a moment, I know that scent! That is you, it is that unique smell of you parfum on your skin. And now the words of my mother recalls:  "Every scent is different on everyone; it is the unique mix of you and that scent."

I can't move, I don't now what to do. I'm helpless, I won't move.
The smell kills me and I dont want to go.
I miss you.

Friday, January 21, 2011


The more people I know, different people, young, old, beautiful, ugly, tall, small, rich, poor, the more I appreciate this friendship, this thing that is coming from above, the more I want to hold it tight and never let it go.
Maybe its just me and my usual problems and habits, my "different" way of serving all, but for sure I dont want to move, no change for their way is needed.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Not a common day, not in a common way.

Not a common day, not at all, a lot of people is in the street and the traffic is beyond normality. What was to supposed to be regular trip became an odyssey. The man inside the grey car patiently waits for the right time to make a call. He doesn’t know how but it’s time, just the exact one, when the traffic became just insane. He took his handsfree and dial.

After a few minutes of what seemed a regular talk, the theme was moved into something meaningful, the voice on the other side of the line got wet and that was moving. The moment was the right one to take out all that what’s deep inside of the two minds and hearts, some moments of joy and some moments of sorrow and fear. The words won’t be able to say everything that each one wanted it to tell, but somehow, in not a common way, the words said were enough to know the worry.

They say that the man inside the car is stone-hearted that nothing can move it. He used to believe it but now he wonders how can he be able to release that pressure, that things that can not be described, but that is pushing in his eyes and chest. Minutes and miles passed the call is over and the destination is reached. Now He just can pray for help, how reliving feels to say what’s inside.

Free Hit Counter