Monday, August 30, 2010

Seven Swans

This morning I can see a field, an immense field thru which I’ve walked so many times that I can say that I know it better than my own hand. I've seen it green and colorful during the wonderful spring; so green and vast that it reminds me a long and infinite ocean. Other times l’ve seen it covered with white snow that seems to kill all kinds of life, but instead it brings a new way of living... a different way of seeing beautiful things.

This field has -literally- been my companion and support and it has fed my cattle during my whole life, and by saying "my whole life" I mean it. I started on ranching since I was 5 and my father was about 35, I learnt everything I know about this thru him even though now I only have a vague memory of him. I also saw my children grow and turn into young strong man, and then leave; both of them decided that the family tradition was not for them, and today I’m glad and proud they made that choice. Sometimes I wonder why did I follow it. Now they both have finished university and work on scientific investigations for finding the best results on crops, or at least that is what I understand they do... I just know that somehow they are influenced by my life and that is completely worth it.

Today I can see my life thru my father’s eyes. I’ve devoted myself to this all my life just like he did. I thank God every day for his life and for teaching me all I know,I’ve never been so devoted to God.
I know He is there because I can see it on the majesty of the earth, on the first rays of light rising over the hills and even in the cold air running thru my bones in a lonely morning watching over the cows.
My wife is really close to Him, and she always tells me stories and reminds me to seek Him. I like when she talks about it.

In this beautiful morning where I can remember and think about all this, a strange sound is surrounding the field like if it is coming from the trees behind the hill and then it goes back. The sound is like clapping wings, I turn on every direction to find it, and then, suddenly, I can see something in the sky, something I’ve never seen before: seven swans flying in the sky, a number that reminds me of my wife’s stories about God. Then I feel cold like never before and I start to feel restless.
I look up at the sky and I can see a timid smoke over the hill on direction to my house. I ride my horse to it, I must be like 2 miles away... the longest 15 minutes of my life. As I´m getting close I can see more and more smoke.,,
On the distance I can see my wife standing still, holding in her arms her beloved cat, and with tears in her eyes she yells at me: “God has please you, the farm is gone, you are free now”.

She is right, I feel free now, and I feel curious about this sign, so I ask her to tell me more about Him.

(Inspired by: Sufjan Stevens -Seven Swans)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Shrimp Salad

I’ve told so many times to the office that I don’t like beach destinations, there is something about the beach that I find repulsive, so when I have to make them I avoid even to be close to it.
You may think that is too much, but I even ask for a hotel that is not in front of the beach. There is nothing like a good hotel with A/C I can think I’m not close of it.

Tonight is one of those nights. I’m on a disgusting beach destination, just arriving, refuging from the heat that makes me sick, the job was good as always, I think all these years made me good at it and I simply enjoy it.

I reach the hall, the hostess says hello and smiles. I love that they don’t really care about themselves, their job is always to smile and make you feel good and comfortable.
I just can make this forever, catch a plane, grab a cab, check in...different faces and check out.

I take the elevator to the suite, walk a few steps and get my hand on the jacket and pull out the key card.
As I insert it on the door a cold rush of air runs thru the corridor which is strange since I’m on the 15th floor of a complete closed building. The led turns green and I get back where I was, I enter to the room and close the door.

Once inside, first thing to do: off shoes and socks, then the shirt... the pants feel just fine.
I turn the tv on. Nothing special to watch, all I need is the noise.
I feel hungry: call room service, there is no question my favorite diner at this hotel is shrimp salad and a cup of red wine.
They are here 30 minutes later, 10 dollars tip, and no more human contact until tomorrow.
I sit on the bed watching tv and start eating, this particular meal is good, finish quickly and seek for a movie, one is just starting... I should watch it, I do.
Meaningless entertainment, two hours have gone and the body recalls for rest. So I simply turn the light off and get into bed.

As all is dark and no more noises are made in the room, I can hear the sea with his annoying sound, not even the two blocks dividing us can hold the noise, anyway I focus on sleeping and close my eyes.
The night is running and I’m feeling uncomfortable. I just keep on moving on the bed, I think it is the shrimps´fault…
Another hour is gone and I cant concentrate so I stand up walk a few minutes around the bed and feel better. I’m back on it.

I finally feel comfortable and sleep. Suddenly I wake up and feel all in a rush, I cant hardly breath, I feel as if my head is going to explode. I feel so anxious, I stand up put my pants and my shirt on and I get out of my room, get down on the elevator and run thru the hall.
The hostess seems surprised, she can’t even say a word.
Once out on the street my legs start running towards the beach, it is like some part of me is guiding me with self life and the other part is just being driven by.

I run the hole two blocks and I spot that thing that I hate and that I’ve run away from during a lot of years, now I realize that there is bad weather, a lot of wind is running making my run harder. My shirt is waving and the wind is crashing against my naked chest and my stomach has a funny sensation... it is as if the wind was running thru me.
I finally get to it. I can feel the cold sand down my standing feet and is not that bad at all.
In some moments the immensity of the dark sea is enlighted by a stroke, a beautiful ray of light that seems to point me something in this very moment.
I take my hands to my face and I feel something wet. There is still no rain falling, I notice that tears are falling from my eyes. Then suddenly the noises of the wind stop and a calm, soft music is heard. I cant recognize it, but I can hear two violins, the second one making a beautiful harmony with loud cellos being shutted by a beautiful melody made by the first violin, it is just so beautiful.

I realize the music is coming from the sea, just where the thunders are falling and I do not hesitate and enter into the water, first walking until I can’t reach the sand anymore, then I swim. I just follow the music.
As I look back to the beach, something emerges from my old memories. I remember why I hate the sea, because that is how she left…

I keep on swimming and the music is stronger than ever, now there are oboes, trumpets, drums and flutes.
A light is down my body, deep down in the sea I stop swimming and pay attention to it. I can see something is moving thru the shadows and pieces of light emerging.
It seems like it is a fish...
I don’t feel scared, but then I see a face, a familiar face, a woman’s face…

Monday, August 9, 2010

Children's movie

A lonely man sitting on a movie theater is not quiet common, but a lonely man on a black suite sitting on a children's movie is simply irregular.
The man take a look at his surrounding, the hall is half dark, the movie hasn't started yet, He watches little children smiling, yelling, eating popcorns, families apparently happy and thrilled, he turns to the other side and a couple is hugging and talking to the ear, it seems like they are alone in the room.

As the time passes and the seats are being taken, he turns on every direction, it seems like he is waiting for someone. he most be waiting for someone, who in his right mind goes on hi own to watch a children's movie...

Silence. The hall is now completely dark and no more people is allowed to enter, so it seems he is on his own. Now that everything is dark he doesn't seem to care to be alone he seems to be comfortable.

The first moments of the movie are passing by and the man isn't looking at the screen, he is staring at a couple, they most be together, all indicates they do, there are all kind of affection gestures. The man wont look at the screen, in spite He turn his head down and open his jacket, with his right hand grabs a gun, yes a gun. He is now much more calm, He forgets about the sudden laughs and loud talk of the children or the loud songs of the movie, he is now slowly breathing.

An hour have gone and all the crowd has complete attention on the movie. He is still staring at them, at a quite moment, a baby on the last row starts crying so aloud that is annoying, the man of the couple turns his head with a gesture of disapproval, the man staring at them smiles with some sort of confidence.

Finally the movie is over and the noise is instantly back. Most people gets up and starts walking towards the exit, In the air you can breath happiness and joy, everyone seems to be so happy. Except one, the man, He is calm, serious, and staring at the couple that is now walking, he stands up and walks, slow and with his hand inside his jacket he tries to get his way out the crowd and to approach the couple, they are hand holded. The man approaches and take the man of the couple by the shoulder, He turns his head and look at them right into the eyes and says "this is just a job". The girl is amazed her face is simply a shock, a bunch of emotions. The man get his hand back to the jacket and grab his gun, and as he move his sight back, He spotted her and his serious face change for surprise, she is her sister. Nothing more is said He release the man and walks away...
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