Saturday, May 14, 2011


I'm already in position, the suit feels itchy on my neck... this time maybe it’s just me who feels everything much more intense now. The multiple voices on my ear whisper a lot of things but I try not to listen them too much.

I move my sight to the upper left side of the window: you are there, a picture of you smiling take me to that very day when we made our picnic and we laughed and cried… the afternoon was perfect to take a picture.

A whisper escapes like a regret, like a feeling trapped under my chest.

One of the multiple voices on my ear says I’ve got a call from you. I answer and after a long silence your cold and shaking voice says hi. I answer the same. The silence takes over the almost inexistent conversation. Maybe it’s because all that must be said have been said. I know you just call to know that I’m still there, that I’m real and not just one more of your multiple fantasies.

“Be careful, you know how I feel”, it’s all that you can say before you kill the call. I haven’t had the chance to answer. A strong cold feeling remains on my stomach.

Once again a voice takes over the earphone. It says “We are ready” I shake my mind and thoughts, I concentrate fully on the window, the controls, everything. I spin my neck to the left so I can see my partner and with a blink of an eye I tell him I’m ready. He sets everything up.

I don’t want to hear anything else for now, I turn off the earphone and sit tight. I don’t know if some minutes or seconds passed but suddenly I started to feel the motion, just as we practiced; I must say that is not the best feeling in the world. After a few minutes the immense G forces start to make some noise in my body, my sight becomes brighter every second: I feel like if I’m going to pass away.

It was just too much and as I feel weaker I see you in my mind. Suddenly the pressure on my chest slows down and my vision returns to normality. All the noises diminish to zero and right in front of me all is black but with beautiful lights shining alone in the distance. The magnificence of the space is in front of me with beautiful stars like candles, alone on a big road. I’m quite surprised. No one trained us for the shock of this moment, we can’t say a word. On my mind the admiration grows on the One who created this: “God, thank you, this is amazing”.

On the immensity of the outter space I feel alone, I miss you and I’m sorry.

How I wish you were here.

Monday, January 31, 2011


What once was a home full of joy, smiles, laughter and hugs have now turned into four walls of memories, sadness, regrets and despair. Everything reminds me of you, there is no single step I give in this house that takes my mind away from you. I need to leave, I need to do something to erase my mind.

It's Saturday morning and I decide to do something you never liked, that was my way to take you out of my mind. So I grab the keys and ride the car. I am not sure where I want to go but I have it on my mind: the kind of place you hate. I'm going to the woods, I know how you dislike going on camping or even in a pic nic. I remember I loved it and, because you didn't, we never went together.

Finally got out of the city and I´m on the highway, I just need to follow some directions and get into the nature. As I supposed it didnt take that long, I park the car and start walking. People surrounding me are quite indifferent to me: they aren't alone, I can see children playing while their mom and dad are making the lunch; on the other side a group of schoolmates are playing football. I must pay no attention to them.

I keep on walking towards a place where there´s nobody. The calm is amazing, you can hear the sound of the silent life moving, the air soflty moving the leaves and the birds which are singing are telling me that I'm alone and I can relax.

The air is becoming cold and the sun is hiding under black clouds, today is a good day for getting wet, I have no intention to leave, the firsts drops are falling and the smell of watered dirt is amazing. The rain is now intense and I move towards a tree, this one is very tall and I can barely see the top of it. The water is now falling down through the bark of the tree and a scent is getting to my nose. I'm amazed how lovely this smell is. Now the rain is off and the sun is back immediatly I can feel how the water is evaporating and the feeling isnt really good.

Now the air is carrying another scent, wait a moment, I know that scent! That is you, it is that unique smell of you parfum on your skin. And now the words of my mother recalls:  "Every scent is different on everyone; it is the unique mix of you and that scent."

I can't move, I don't now what to do. I'm helpless, I won't move.
The smell kills me and I dont want to go.
I miss you.

Friday, January 21, 2011


The more people I know, different people, young, old, beautiful, ugly, tall, small, rich, poor, the more I appreciate this friendship, this thing that is coming from above, the more I want to hold it tight and never let it go.
Maybe its just me and my usual problems and habits, my "different" way of serving all, but for sure I dont want to move, no change for their way is needed.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Not a common day, not in a common way.

Not a common day, not at all, a lot of people is in the street and the traffic is beyond normality. What was to supposed to be regular trip became an odyssey. The man inside the grey car patiently waits for the right time to make a call. He doesn’t know how but it’s time, just the exact one, when the traffic became just insane. He took his handsfree and dial.

After a few minutes of what seemed a regular talk, the theme was moved into something meaningful, the voice on the other side of the line got wet and that was moving. The moment was the right one to take out all that what’s deep inside of the two minds and hearts, some moments of joy and some moments of sorrow and fear. The words won’t be able to say everything that each one wanted it to tell, but somehow, in not a common way, the words said were enough to know the worry.

They say that the man inside the car is stone-hearted that nothing can move it. He used to believe it but now he wonders how can he be able to release that pressure, that things that can not be described, but that is pushing in his eyes and chest. Minutes and miles passed the call is over and the destination is reached. Now He just can pray for help, how reliving feels to say what’s inside.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

I feel in love again!

All our friends were here and they all have gone home now, and we are so glad they came to see us; the night was great.

You are exhausted and so am I. You said you were going to the bedroom to get a CD to listen while we clean the house, after a while you don’t come back, so I go to see you and, as I suspected, you are already sleeping. A tender smile slips from my mouth and I decide to do so. Cleaning can wait ‘til tomorrow.

You look so calm while you sleep, I decide not to wake you and simply put the blanket over you. Lights off, good night!

It’s three in the morning and you wake me up, you are still sleeping but constantly moving and by the expression in your face, it seems like you are having a bad dream, I can see suffering.

I touch your arm and you wake up, you get your hand to your stomach and say that it hurts so much that you want to go to the hospital.

I take you to the car, you are crying in pain. I’m so scared but I try not to show it, I say you’ll be fine.

Drive as careful as I can but at the same time as fast as possible as if the relief will be at the hospital’s door.

We arrive, I run to the door and yell for help. I tell the lady on the desk how you feel and two nurses arrive with a wheelchair.

They take you and get you inside. I run as im holding your hand while you look at me with crying eyes. As we get into the first door doctor says I need to stay outside. I feel powerless, nothing to do for you with my own hands so I just pray for you.

An hour, two hours, three hours, the longest of my life.

I move from one way to another, sit, stand... nothing helps. At the front desk no one has news about you, they say I must wait until the doctor comes out.

Finally the door is open and the doctor is coming, he is smiling. I feel much more calm.

He hugs me and tells that I can enter, that we have beautiful baby girl!

I run and there you are. You look so tired but so happy, you are holding in your arms the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen, our baby.

I feel in love again, a different way of love...

Thanks to Jingle, for this award and for this community.
I want to nominate Dan Roberson

Monday, November 22, 2010

Still floats in this world...

- "In life it's a blessing when you can count with your hands the ones you love". I heard him saying directly to another young man. His voice was full of nostalgia and his face couldn't lie: his heart was suffering.

Apparently the place wasn't the most appropiate for that kind of reflections. The party was alive and everyone was having fun. Everybody was so happy that on that very day they had received their diploma. All of them were so young and so full of life, a world of possibilities in just one room.

The one hearing simply said. "Let's forget about and enjoy, this is our night"
The answer was -"How can I celebrate if I have no one to share it with? Don't take it personal but I just cant fit with all this strangers" The polite smile disappeared in less than a second.

Another voice entered into the conversation from behind them -"I'm here and won't leave again". The listener couldn´t do nothing but to leave.

The young man turned around and the face that was in his mind was now right there.
-"I'm sorry. I was a fool such things don't worth a friendship like this".
-"I know, I'm sorry too. But don't worry. We are humans we fail, we fall and we ramble. The important thing is that after all we realize what is really important and have the courage to say sorry and get back on track".
-"Thank you so. You always have the right words. I just can promise you that I'm here to take what's heavy for you in my arms..."

The one who was listening from afar slip a smile and left. In his mind was one thing: The right and good things still floats in this world.

Monday, November 8, 2010

The bell is ringing

I'm sitting on the beginning of a long and multicolor line of tires grounded perfectly aside the yard that's full of the greenest grass I ever seen.

While the rest of the children are running , playing football or simply talking to each other, I love being on my own. Right now I'm holding my sandwich with my left hand and feeling the soft bread with my fingers with no intention to bite it.

I can see the teacher leaving the classroom and as I see her so young and and full of life I wonder how my life will be when I get her age. I know there is a lot of time left but my mind is flying in no concrete direction; I can see an endless number of possibilities, from a football player, an actor, a teacher, an engineer to a vagabond.

I wonder if anyone else my age thinks of it... am I wrong or strange? For sure I'm not normal. But what can I do? Should I change? Or should I learn to live with it?

The bell is ringing and its time to get back to the game, no more thoughts for today, back on my kid's suit. Hope everything will be fine.

Thursday, October 14, 2010


Arms folded over my chest, my body is straight laying right in the middle of the king size bed. My eyes are open but my vision is clouded over the roof. I believe I never pay this attention to it. Even when it’s early in the morning the firsts moments of light of the day are here and the time to stand up is getting close, not that I have slept much last night.

It’s incredible that just 2 days have passed since you left and I already miss you so much. Maybe it’s because today is Saturday and I’m very used to be with you all this day... and I don’t want to think that there are still 2 days left... Last night I tried to get myself busy so I would not feel alone on this beautiful house, our house; so I walked with the dog, cleaned the kitchen, ironed some shirts and pants, even went to the shop to buy food we probably won’t eat, moved the sofa into three different positions and finally left it as before, none of them kept my mind apart from you.

When we decided you’d go with this I only thought of your joy and success and how much you deserved it, I mean you are really talented, but I never thought the separation would be this hard for me, now I only have to conform with hearing your voice for a few minutes, like in the old days, and hear your thrill of knowing new people, new places and adventures. I believe that is the “rough” path of fame…

I now understand that everything we have in this house, everything we’ve worked for is meaningless if there is no one to share it with, I’ve been always so proud of what we have done but today I see it cold, useless and it makes me sad. Today this place is just a house because I know you are my home now… And as some time ago we said, it doesn’t matter what we get or where we’ll live the important thing is to stick together.

(Home - Michael Bublé)

(Home - Foo Fighters)

Monday, October 4, 2010

And I hope this dream never ends...

I have one of those jobs no one seems to care about; no one notice you unless you don't do your job or if something is wrong.
In some cases people even look at us with some repulsion. I clean the tables and floors on a food court on a fancy mall downtown in the big city.

In spite of regretting for what I do for living or what I did in the past to end up here, I enjoy what I do.
My job allows me to keep myself anonymous and unnoticed and I also I watching people on what I once heard is our most instinctive or animal action: eating.

Right now I'm in the rush hour, the court is full and there is no open table.
As I walk thru the corridors I can see different images, the classic soccer mom that is late for the children's practice and is buying the fastest, and not nutritious, meal for the kids: burgers.
The lonely black suited guy that is paying full attention to his mobile device trying to forget or not to notice his loneliness as he waits for his food to be ready.
A big family trying to get another table next to them by putting some presure over the two ancient buddies that have 20 minutes enjoying half apple pie each, unfortunately for the family these two have no worries or anything to rush for. A smile slips thru my lips for these.

I keep on walking with duster and broom in hand, suddenly a couple right at the last table catches my attention. They only have a little basket with ice cream and they are sitting one in front of the other. They seem to be students because they are wearing their school clothing and on the floor their backpacks are laying.
There is something about them that is not common but I cant quite figure out what it is, I believe it is the distance between them and that they don't pay attention to other thing than to the person in front of the other, it's like there were a lot of respect or admiration from one to the other, something not very common these days.
I see them talking and eventually for a very short period of time they hold hands and then smile and realse their hands and keep talking.

The girl accidentally throws her napkin to the floor and I get closer to pick it up, I move so slow trying to make no noise.
They don't even notice my presence, not that I'm not use to it but they simply don't have eyes for anyone else... After I pick the napking I hear something he says that blows my mind: "... And I hope this dream never ends...".

I move fast towards the cleaning station and disappear from court.
I close my eyes and remember that the very same phrase was said by myself just before I ran, just when everything for me was so right, so pink and when everyday the sky were blue and love, happiness and joy were abundant; I ran at the very first trouble.
I am such a coward that cant fight and stand for what he wants the most.
I feel pity of myself and I simply cry hands over the wall. I feel like I need to go back...

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Snapshots of my life

Creaking noises.

Shinning Lights.

Overwhelming smoke all over the place.

Time stills and mind turns into lucid memories. Memories that feel like reality, like the very moment they occurred. Like those snapshots that have been there my entire life. Adding them up as time passed.

The day I got my first bicycle and crashed it on the wall.

The lovely embrace of my grandfather on my birthday on the same day the news of life weren’t good at all.

The day I sang and played in front of a crowded theater.

The tears on my parent’s eyes as I waved my diploma and thanked them for their effort.

The time I bought and drove my first car.

The moment I saw you and you stole my attention from then on.

The minute I first held your hand for a while and I did shook myself.

The moment I said to you our special phrase in front of our friends and you were surprised of it.

The day the unspoken words and the self screaming gestures said it all.

The day you didn’t expect to see me and you were so happy and shocked.

The day I drove all night just to meet you in the morning.

Our first kiss.

The many times we shared food even when we don’t really like it.

The scariest night of my life: the night I went to your home and told your parents we were getting married.

Our wedding.

Arriving our new home.

The day we arrived to the airport with passports in hand and no destination booked.

When we got our first dog and you insisted on picking it up from the street.

The day you screamed like you had seen a dead body on the restroom and you said you were pregnant.

Yesterday, The day I could finally hold on my arms my beautiful baby girl.

The memories are over now and I’m back on my car.

I feel how it turns around and I feel a strong hit on my head; now everything is freezing over on the darkness of the night…

Monday, August 30, 2010

Seven Swans

This morning I can see a field, an immense field thru which I’ve walked so many times that I can say that I know it better than my own hand. I've seen it green and colorful during the wonderful spring; so green and vast that it reminds me a long and infinite ocean. Other times l’ve seen it covered with white snow that seems to kill all kinds of life, but instead it brings a new way of living... a different way of seeing beautiful things.

This field has -literally- been my companion and support and it has fed my cattle during my whole life, and by saying "my whole life" I mean it. I started on ranching since I was 5 and my father was about 35, I learnt everything I know about this thru him even though now I only have a vague memory of him. I also saw my children grow and turn into young strong man, and then leave; both of them decided that the family tradition was not for them, and today I’m glad and proud they made that choice. Sometimes I wonder why did I follow it. Now they both have finished university and work on scientific investigations for finding the best results on crops, or at least that is what I understand they do... I just know that somehow they are influenced by my life and that is completely worth it.

Today I can see my life thru my father’s eyes. I’ve devoted myself to this all my life just like he did. I thank God every day for his life and for teaching me all I know,I’ve never been so devoted to God.
I know He is there because I can see it on the majesty of the earth, on the first rays of light rising over the hills and even in the cold air running thru my bones in a lonely morning watching over the cows.
My wife is really close to Him, and she always tells me stories and reminds me to seek Him. I like when she talks about it.

In this beautiful morning where I can remember and think about all this, a strange sound is surrounding the field like if it is coming from the trees behind the hill and then it goes back. The sound is like clapping wings, I turn on every direction to find it, and then, suddenly, I can see something in the sky, something I’ve never seen before: seven swans flying in the sky, a number that reminds me of my wife’s stories about God. Then I feel cold like never before and I start to feel restless.
I look up at the sky and I can see a timid smoke over the hill on direction to my house. I ride my horse to it, I must be like 2 miles away... the longest 15 minutes of my life. As I´m getting close I can see more and more smoke.,,
On the distance I can see my wife standing still, holding in her arms her beloved cat, and with tears in her eyes she yells at me: “God has please you, the farm is gone, you are free now”.

She is right, I feel free now, and I feel curious about this sign, so I ask her to tell me more about Him.

(Inspired by: Sufjan Stevens -Seven Swans)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Shrimp Salad

I’ve told so many times to the office that I don’t like beach destinations, there is something about the beach that I find repulsive, so when I have to make them I avoid even to be close to it.
You may think that is too much, but I even ask for a hotel that is not in front of the beach. There is nothing like a good hotel with A/C I can think I’m not close of it.

Tonight is one of those nights. I’m on a disgusting beach destination, just arriving, refuging from the heat that makes me sick, the job was good as always, I think all these years made me good at it and I simply enjoy it.

I reach the hall, the hostess says hello and smiles. I love that they don’t really care about themselves, their job is always to smile and make you feel good and comfortable.
I just can make this forever, catch a plane, grab a cab, check in...different faces and check out.

I take the elevator to the suite, walk a few steps and get my hand on the jacket and pull out the key card.
As I insert it on the door a cold rush of air runs thru the corridor which is strange since I’m on the 15th floor of a complete closed building. The led turns green and I get back where I was, I enter to the room and close the door.

Once inside, first thing to do: off shoes and socks, then the shirt... the pants feel just fine.
I turn the tv on. Nothing special to watch, all I need is the noise.
I feel hungry: call room service, there is no question my favorite diner at this hotel is shrimp salad and a cup of red wine.
They are here 30 minutes later, 10 dollars tip, and no more human contact until tomorrow.
I sit on the bed watching tv and start eating, this particular meal is good, finish quickly and seek for a movie, one is just starting... I should watch it, I do.
Meaningless entertainment, two hours have gone and the body recalls for rest. So I simply turn the light off and get into bed.

As all is dark and no more noises are made in the room, I can hear the sea with his annoying sound, not even the two blocks dividing us can hold the noise, anyway I focus on sleeping and close my eyes.
The night is running and I’m feeling uncomfortable. I just keep on moving on the bed, I think it is the shrimps´fault…
Another hour is gone and I cant concentrate so I stand up walk a few minutes around the bed and feel better. I’m back on it.

I finally feel comfortable and sleep. Suddenly I wake up and feel all in a rush, I cant hardly breath, I feel as if my head is going to explode. I feel so anxious, I stand up put my pants and my shirt on and I get out of my room, get down on the elevator and run thru the hall.
The hostess seems surprised, she can’t even say a word.
Once out on the street my legs start running towards the beach, it is like some part of me is guiding me with self life and the other part is just being driven by.

I run the hole two blocks and I spot that thing that I hate and that I’ve run away from during a lot of years, now I realize that there is bad weather, a lot of wind is running making my run harder. My shirt is waving and the wind is crashing against my naked chest and my stomach has a funny sensation... it is as if the wind was running thru me.
I finally get to it. I can feel the cold sand down my standing feet and is not that bad at all.
In some moments the immensity of the dark sea is enlighted by a stroke, a beautiful ray of light that seems to point me something in this very moment.
I take my hands to my face and I feel something wet. There is still no rain falling, I notice that tears are falling from my eyes. Then suddenly the noises of the wind stop and a calm, soft music is heard. I cant recognize it, but I can hear two violins, the second one making a beautiful harmony with loud cellos being shutted by a beautiful melody made by the first violin, it is just so beautiful.

I realize the music is coming from the sea, just where the thunders are falling and I do not hesitate and enter into the water, first walking until I can’t reach the sand anymore, then I swim. I just follow the music.
As I look back to the beach, something emerges from my old memories. I remember why I hate the sea, because that is how she left…

I keep on swimming and the music is stronger than ever, now there are oboes, trumpets, drums and flutes.
A light is down my body, deep down in the sea I stop swimming and pay attention to it. I can see something is moving thru the shadows and pieces of light emerging.
It seems like it is a fish...
I don’t feel scared, but then I see a face, a familiar face, a woman’s face…

Monday, August 9, 2010

Children's movie

A lonely man sitting on a movie theater is not quiet common, but a lonely man on a black suite sitting on a children's movie is simply irregular.
The man take a look at his surrounding, the hall is half dark, the movie hasn't started yet, He watches little children smiling, yelling, eating popcorns, families apparently happy and thrilled, he turns to the other side and a couple is hugging and talking to the ear, it seems like they are alone in the room.

As the time passes and the seats are being taken, he turns on every direction, it seems like he is waiting for someone. he most be waiting for someone, who in his right mind goes on hi own to watch a children's movie...

Silence. The hall is now completely dark and no more people is allowed to enter, so it seems he is on his own. Now that everything is dark he doesn't seem to care to be alone he seems to be comfortable.

The first moments of the movie are passing by and the man isn't looking at the screen, he is staring at a couple, they most be together, all indicates they do, there are all kind of affection gestures. The man wont look at the screen, in spite He turn his head down and open his jacket, with his right hand grabs a gun, yes a gun. He is now much more calm, He forgets about the sudden laughs and loud talk of the children or the loud songs of the movie, he is now slowly breathing.

An hour have gone and all the crowd has complete attention on the movie. He is still staring at them, at a quite moment, a baby on the last row starts crying so aloud that is annoying, the man of the couple turns his head with a gesture of disapproval, the man staring at them smiles with some sort of confidence.

Finally the movie is over and the noise is instantly back. Most people gets up and starts walking towards the exit, In the air you can breath happiness and joy, everyone seems to be so happy. Except one, the man, He is calm, serious, and staring at the couple that is now walking, he stands up and walks, slow and with his hand inside his jacket he tries to get his way out the crowd and to approach the couple, they are hand holded. The man approaches and take the man of the couple by the shoulder, He turns his head and look at them right into the eyes and says "this is just a job". The girl is amazed her face is simply a shock, a bunch of emotions. The man get his hand back to the jacket and grab his gun, and as he move his sight back, He spotted her and his serious face change for surprise, she is her sister. Nothing more is said He release the man and walks away...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

In the 2nd floor.

I walk thru the elevator 2nd floor, departures, a lot of people everywhere, kind of annoys me. I keep walking looking for the airline, find it, do what was necessary, and now keep walking, waiting for the time is right, as I do so I realize that If you want to see all kind of emotions gathered on one place, the place to go is an airport, you can see the ones who are thrilled by the trip, the ones that hates to fly, others are sad and crying about the ones that leaves for a long time or forever…
I sit down and in all that bunch of faces showing the truth of their souls one stands, one kept my mind as no one.

It’s a girl, in her last 20’s, medium sized, brown skin, deep dark eyes. Her eyes are the ones that says everything, you know what they say, you can lie but your eyes don’t, so its with her.

She looks desperate like someone who is trying to run, to forget, to get by with the flow, to get lost with the thousands of people surrounding her.

Somehow I feel her pain, her “something” that is making her carry that heavy weight on her soul. I can see she is running away, everything about her shout it, she travels light, she has a book to keep her mind busy and she constantly looks around like if she was expecting someone to come and make her not to leave.

In one of her turns she look right to me and I look back, I don’t know if it was a second or a minute or hours that we see each other, but with that gaze I confirm what I thought. She is burning in pain and somehow I can feel it, and I try to comfort her with my eyes, I don’t know exactly how or what to say but I sure try, and she feels it. Now I focus not only in her eyes but her face, I notice that she is beautiful in a different way, maybe not for the world standard of beauty but there is something… Now I also notice some scares in her right cheek that’s definitely for a beat. Now I understand… And I think how someone could do that; there is no possible explanation for that I kind of feel angry about it. As my mind argues she stands up, took her two little bags and rapidly walks away. It surprise me as she move forward she look back and stares again like she is saying thank you. My eyes follow her silhouette and wonder if she’ll be alright, suddenly she stops and her eyes are on the front, throw her things away… run towards someone… It’s a man she kiss him and hug him… Then I know she won’t be alright…

Monday, July 19, 2010

Come back here.

I struggle myself this time to get my mind back during the day, long day by the way, lazy day. sadly, hours goes slow so slow.

Maybe is a C not an A minor.

Those lyrics are just great.

Why isn't she here? Who is supposed to answer my questions?

I simply can't understand that, do they really think they are superior, bigger, smarter, I feel pity for them. Not even a thank you... grr pity, pity...

Oh! the quiet is so great, is it necessary for them to come back.

How much longer???? I want to leave.

What if He stands right behind me, what would I say...? It doesn't matter. I'll do my best.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Long Gone...

I've been long gone from this place...
So long that I barely remember what I was supposed to be doing here. It doesnt matter, today I feel on and out, One of those days you feel that you know no one, not even yourself.

I noticed far in the afternoon, that the day has run and I'm not really sure of where those hours went, like those old leaves that were proudly green and strong in the spring and now they are brown, weak and falling taken by the calm and shy wind of the autumn... Today I feel like that, my mind flew all over the world and now that is back to reality, It doesnt want to stay there, I just dont feel comfortable with reality this time. I look around and everything annoys me, the noise of the cars, the unstopping colorful shine of the traffic lights, the incessant path of shoes that mashes against the asphalt just make me sick and I say to myself, this place is such a mess sometimes I like to watch it burn...

As I stand here I observe very careful, I notice that we are a big mass a self living mass, we are here but we are not together, we are not even aware of each other's existence. Is that right or wrong? is it possible that we care for each other that we dont became the monster in order to defeat the monster? Maybe its impossbile and just want to live in that utopia I've been dreaming of. I realize that my thoughts are deeper than ever, it doesnt scare me, makes me feel comfortable.

I try to get close to the first person I see; a man, nice suite, white shirt, red double windsord neck tie, black leather shoes and small suitcase, He seems in a rush, I just wanna ask him a question, and a word slip out of my mouth "Hello". He doesnt even look at me and leave as it came, fast. The next one coming is a woman, tall, blonde, she wears a red dress and walks slowly as if she want it to say something with the way she walks I see that people stare at her, both men and women, I see nothing special just a regular woman, for tha way she walks I think that she is not in a hurry she may be able to answer my question I stand right in front of her, just in her way, see her to the eyes, she look back, I open my mouth to say the question and she slowly dribbles me, I can feel the air, the scent leave it by her body and no word said.

I feel incredible tired, I sit on the sidewalk, put my eyes on the sphalt and hear some steps outstanding of other ones, the sound becomes stronger, it stops Hear a deep strong voice, the voice answers my quiestion, It says "You are not here"

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Do we really care?

There are some things in the everyday talking that are just polite. But if you think of them are no true at all. In our native language(spanish) is pretty common to say "How are you" when you first see a person you know, and the most common answer is "fine".

On first instance, do we really care? I mean do we really care if that person is feeling well, or if is having problems at home, with his wife, or children or if he have been robbed... The real thing for me is that I dont really care, for most people I say this phrase on everyday living, please notice that I write "MOST" because there is a few people I really care about they have to say. I know that this is not right but is something you get involved in the routine of everyday and you simply lose it.

On the other hand when you answer, it is pretty uncommon, to say "bad" or "I feel awful" even when you really are in pain or have a lots of problems, why is that? maybe is that we simply dont feel confident to say the truth or dont want to share...

Friday, June 25, 2010

That old, strange sensation...

When I was a little boy, I used to imagine in my head how things will be in the future for me, and eventully I would say that I dont have to worry there is still plenty of time for all those things, suddenly elementary school was over and I say well, there is still time until I get 18 and I do have to fulfill military requirementsm then in a blink of an eye, the 18's were here, along with highschool, new things to discover and new things to reject, and one of my most hated ideas became real so I have to do it, then University started and I felt comfortable, 4 and a half years until i must finally "grow up" and again time flies and here I am realizing that all those things are real and now remembering, feeling that very same and strange sensation I felt when I was a little boy that somehow remembers me that inside Im still a child that sometimes wishes that time stops. But no, time doesnt forgive, doesnt stop, doesnt forget... My point here is that, as I heard sometime, there is no time not to be fulfilled, no date with it not to arrive any time soon...

Monday, June 21, 2010

Making waves on a swimming pool.

There are moments in life that apparently are hugh mountains to climb and sometimes they are indeed, but sometimes we simply make them hugh and that is because our fears, emotions and the environment surrounding us. If you take a moment to step out of that and see it thru, real cold, you might realize that you don't have to worry. I know sometimes is very difficult to be cold in important situations but you may ask for God's guidance thru all kind of situations and the help and quietness will be provided...

Thursday, June 17, 2010


I just going to keep on the little quotes of.... myself! haha

"Sometimes, I feel this is not real, 'til the pain comes"
We are very used to find ourselves in our little world that we call reality and some times take a painful situation to realize that there is another world or another universe out there and that not everything is spinning around us. Right now I can say that I'm pretty much aware of this all the time... aparently on that age I felt that all was very easy and nice, as years goes by I see that things are different and I find myself telling me that all the time, I try not to fall into one little world again...

Song of the DAY Grow old with me - The Postal Service (John Lennon cover)
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