Immensity

I'm already in position, the suit feels itchy on my neck... this time maybe it’s just me who feels everything much more intense now. The multiple voices on my ear whisper a lot of things but I try not to listen them too much.

I move my sight to the upper left side of the window: you are there, a picture of you smiling take me to that very day when we made our picnic and we laughed and cried… the afternoon was perfect to take a picture.

A whisper escapes like a regret, like a feeling trapped under my chest.

One of the multiple voices on my ear says I’ve got a call from you. I answer and after a long silence your cold and shaking voice says hi. I answer the same. The silence takes over the almost inexistent conversation. Maybe it’s because all that must be said have been said. I know you just call to know that I’m still there, that I’m real and not just one more of your multiple fantasies.

“Be careful, you know how I feel”, it’s all that you can say before you kill the call. I haven’t had the chance to answer. A strong cold feeling remains on my stomach.

Once again a voice takes over the earphone. It says “We are ready” I shake my mind and thoughts, I concentrate fully on the window, the controls, everything. I spin my neck to the left so I can see my partner and with a blink of an eye I tell him I’m ready. He sets everything up.

I don’t want to hear anything else for now, I turn off the earphone and sit tight. I don’t know if some minutes or seconds passed but suddenly I started to feel the motion, just as we practiced; I must say that is not the best feeling in the world. After a few minutes the immense G forces start to make some noise in my body, my sight becomes brighter every second: I feel like if I’m going to pass away.

It was just too much and as I feel weaker I see you in my mind. Suddenly the pressure on my chest slows down and my vision returns to normality. All the noises diminish to zero and right in front of me all is black but with beautiful lights shining alone in the distance. The magnificence of the space is in front of me with beautiful stars like candles, alone on a big road. I’m quite surprised. No one trained us for the shock of this moment, we can’t say a word. On my mind the admiration grows on the One who created this: “God, thank you, this is amazing”.

On the immensity of the outter space I feel alone, I miss you and I’m sorry.

How I wish you were here.